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Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror Movies
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you
are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
shambling along,it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood,
glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
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